The Book of   
Timeless Truths & Wisdom

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   Excerpts  from:    "Views from the Other Side of Life"       © Copyright 2001-2004       R. Robin Cote' / The Life Center

Light and Humorous
Stories with a Message

Stories  that invite you to think;  
stories that offer unusual perspectives on life.  

 Content

u   God Is My Grandfather

u   Let's Not Fly South this Winter

u   One Liner's

u   Say That Again Sam

u   Where the Truth Lies

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 God          God      ...

God Is My Grandfather: 

   Before you dismiss me as just another lunatic, 
       please read this brief story.   God may be your grandfather, too.

One day I was reading the Christian Bible when I came upon this passage in, Genesis 5:1,  "...God created man in the likeness of God..."  The idea flashed through my mind that, if the Bible is right, then God must look like you and me.   I didn't give this idea any more thought until in verses two and four of the next chapter, I read,  "...the sons of God saw the daughters of men as fair, so they took them as wives..."   and   "...the sons of God came in onto the daughters of men and they bore children..."

At this point, I started wondering what happened to the son's of the gods?   And what happened to all the children they fathered?  The children must obviously be dead and gone, but what about the sons of the gods.   

Unlike Adam and Eve, they must know where the tree of eternal life is, so like their fathers they must live forever.  So where are these eternal son's of the gods who were having sex with all those all those beautiful Earth women?

Now let's face it guys, even you and I know a good thing when we see one.   So imagine for a moment that you are an eternal son of God, and you find a ready-made, willing harem on Earth available to you at any time you choose.   What would you do?   You'd taste the pudding, of course, and then later, you'd come back for more.  There are no long-term commitments.   No financial costs.   No paternity suits.   No alimony.   And no screaming kids.   Just...  good...  SEX!   I can't speak for the women, but, guys, how many of you would pass up an opportunity like that?

So what does that mean?   It means that, if the sons of God came then, they're coming now.  And ladies, can we get real for a moment?   How many of you would turn down an opportunity to make love to one of the sons of the real, honest to goodness God?  And how many of you would go home and tell your mate, your family, and your friends about your escapade?   Not many!   I'm certain of that.

About three days after my Bible reading session, I was telling my older brother about what I'd read.   He's twelve years older than me and is usually rather calm, but upon hearing my words, he became anything but calm.  He immediately took out the Bible and confirmed what I'd told him.   He then slowly closed the book, set it aside, and sat there staring at me with this strange look on his face.

"What's up?" I demanded of him.  

After a long silence, he blurted out, "God's your grandfather!"

I laughed at him and said, "What?  You're crazy!"

"No, I'm not," he said.   "Let me explain.  You're not supposed to be told what I'm about to tell you until you're sixteen, but you're fifteen now, so I guess one year more or less won't matter much."  

Instantly, my body tensed.   I sat up and  leaned toward him in anticipation, but what he said, I was definitely not prepared for.

He continued, "About six months before you were born, mom and dad had a heavy-duty fight.   He found out that while mom was away visiting a friend in Canada, she had had a two-week-long, torrid love affair with a mysterious stranger, and she came home, pregnant." 

"Then that means...  it means..."  I tried to speak, but no more words came out of my mouth.

"It means." my brother continued,  "that dad's not your real, biological father."

Upon hearing this bombshell news, my mouth dropped open, I flopped back on the couch, and just sat there, dumbfounded.   Finally, I asked, "Then...  then who is my father?"

"According to mom, he was a mysterious stranger that she met while walking in the woods.  He told her that he was not from Earth, but from a distant galaxy.  Dad was really pissed, when he heard that story.  He never believed her, and she never changed her story."

"What happened to the stranger?" I asked.  

"Mom says she never saw him before their affair, and has never seen him since."

I looked at my brother and excitedly said, "Then my real father must have been one of those sons of God that the Bible talks about!"

I sat silently for a moment, while the real meaning of this disclosure spun through my mind.  Then with almost no conscious thought at all, the following words came pouring out:  "Holy sh_--!   God really is my Grandfather!"

____________________ R. Robin Cote'

Footnote to the above story:

A research study conducted in the 1950's concluded that about ten percent of all babies born in America were fathered by someone other than the man who raised the child as though he were the biological father.   The study revealed female, sexual behavior that, at that time, was considered to be too scandalous to be made public.   The findings were simply hushed up.   

About 1990, a new paternity research study was conducted.  The 1990 study confirmed the accuracy of earlier statistics.  This time the study's findings were made public along with the results of the 1950's study.

If the ten-percent-statistic was true in 1950 and true in 1990, it very well may have been true in Biblical times, too.  The statistical- number-itself may have been somewhat different, but sexual conduct hasn't changed very much in the past 2000 years.

So, what does all this really mean?   It means that if the Christian Bible is not just a contemporary fairytale, if the Bible is (as the conservative fundamentalist claim it is) the literal word of God, then God actually could be your grandfather.

What else does this mean.  Let me answer in symbolic terms:  If you insist on buying a cow to get her milk, and you ignore the fact that you have cow manure in your back yard, your denial could give your house a rather foul smell.

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Let's Not Fly South this Winter:

A little robin named Sport decided he’d rather not fly south for the winter.    As snow began to fly and the streams iced over, he reluctantly came to the conclusion that he'd made a big mistake  --- that he'd better head south.   As Sport rose high into  the scurly sky, the air felt even colder and the winds more fierce.

He flew as straight south as he could and yet the wind threw him about with utter disdain.   After flying for what seems like forever, his wings began to ice over.   Fly as he might, his wings soon froze to the point of almost no movement and so, he half glided half plummeted toward earth.

Through frosted eyebrows he saw an open spot among the trees.   Navigating as best he could, Sport plummeted into a farm yard and landed among the cows.   He rolled over twice, skidded into a clump of hay and just lay there ruing the day he decided to spend the winter in Maine.   

At this very moment and with total unawareness of the robin,  one of the cows came along  and dropped a warm wet cow pie right on top of him.    Struggling frantically, Sport managed to stick his head up and take a breath.   He gasped at the smell,  but immediately noticed that whatever he was in, it was very warm.   He soon stopped shivering.   As he became warm and comfortable, he did as birds do,  he began to chirp.   Closing his eyes Sport thought thoughts of the southern sun.    Spontaneously,  he chirped again.   

Unfortunately for Sport, his chirping sparked the curiosity of Freddy, the barnyard cat.   So Freddy, who did as cats do, came along to investigate.   He found Sport, chirping away with his eyes closed.   Since Sport had no idea what was going on around him, he was an easy target for Freddy.   Freddy hauled Sport out of the manure pile and then promptly ate him.   

So in fond memory of Sport remember this.   Not everyone who dumps on you is not your enemy.   Not everyone who hauls you out of shit is your friend, and above all,  if you are warm and comfortable,  keep your eyes open and your mouth shut.  

____________________ Author Unknown

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Nowadays, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably isn't a duck at all, but only something someone wants you to believe is a duck.   Maybe, that's why they're called decoys.

_______________ Christopher Toussaint --  http://www.freespiritproductions.com

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God, grant me patience, NOW!

____________________ Author Unknown

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God, grant me chastity, but not now.

____________________ Saint Augustine, author of the Roman Catholic, anti-sexual theology that is still today the basis of Christianity.

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I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

____________________ Groucho Marx

Years ago, when man cursed and beat the Earth with sticks, it was called witchcraft.   Today it's known as golf.

____________________ Author Unknown

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The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

 ____________________ Mark twain

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Nobody ever died of laughter.

 ____________________ Max Beerborn

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One Liners 

That Make You Think Outside the Box

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***  A termite walked into a bar and said, "Where's the bartender?"  

***  A man walked into a bar and said, "Ouch."  

***  How Long is a Chinaman

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Say That Again, Sam 

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***  Cast not your pearls before swine.

    ** Never try to reach a pig to sing.   
        It wastes you time and it annoys the pig.

____________________ First quote from Christian Bible  
                                    Second quote:   Source not known 

***  Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

        **  Do onto others as they would be done onto.

____________________ First quote from Christian Bible  
                                    Second quote from "How to Eat an Elephant"

***  If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one around to
        hear  it, does it make a sound?

          **  If a man speaks and there's no woman around to hear him, 
                is he still wrong?

 ____________________ Sources not known

***  Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

         **   Money corrupts and secret money corrupts absolutely.

____________________ First quote from Lord Acton  1887  
                                    Second quote from "How to Eat an Elephant"

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Where the Truth Lies     Lies   ...

 Omitting  pieces of the truth are "Lies of Omission"
      and, intentional or otherwise, they deceive the listener.

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Turpentine

Two old-time, country farmers met in town one day.  In the course of their conversation, Jake said to Zeek, "My mule is sick and I don't know what to do."  Zeek replied,  "When my mule got sick, I made him drink turpentine.   The conversation turned to other things and the two soon parted company.  

About two weeks later, they again saw each other in town.  Jake stormed up to Zeek and in an angry voice, said, "You son of a bitch!  I  done to my mule just like you did to yours.   I fed him turpentine and it killed him dead in two hours.  What have you got to say to that?"  

Zeek looked at Jake and casually replied,  "Yup...  It killed mine, too."

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